You’re a bigger woman, a plus size girl, or a size 16. As a young girl, you had the confidence of Lady Gaga. You strutted your stuff down the driveway without a thought to the size of your body.

When boys or girls called you names you let them know, quite loudly I might add, they’re stupid emphasizing the point with a slug or slap.

What happened?

Why is your confidence shattered?

Where did that sassy beautifully bold girl disappear?

She still exists.

She’s inside.

It’s just with all the teasing and name-calling hurled at you like rocks she built a wall to protect herself.

How do you tear down walls? One stone at a time.

So, what do you say we wake her up, bring her out of hiding, Okay?

Confidence Starts with Your Mind

You need to identify the lies and crush them with the truth.

The childhood rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is a bald-faced lie.

Throw it away.

With the first lie crushed, let’s work on the rest.

Louise Hay popularized positive affirmations as a way to rewire the inner voices or messages we repeat to ourselves. She used an exercise called Mirror Work with her students. It works by standing in front of a mirror, repeating your affirmations out loud. It helps people heal deeply. Why? Shes says “It makes you immediately aware of where you are resisting and where you are open and flowing.”

Try saying “I love you (insert your name)” out loud in front of the mirror, slowly, five times, and looking directly into your eyes. Uncomfortable, right?

Did you find yourself looking away? crying? scoffing?

Crush those lies, remove those stones, little by little, the wall falls down.

Be Beautifully Honest

You must be beautifully honest with yourself.

Those words thrown at you when you were young hurt, didn’t they?

When your Dad called you “Tubby” thinking it was cute, it made you cry inside even while laughing on the outside.

When your first crush rejected you and topped it off like a cherry on a hot fudge sundae by calling you a fatty, you hurt so bad you considered killing yourself.

Forgive those thoughtless words. Forgive those intentional flaming darts meant to wound your soul. Forgive yourself for believing them.

You Define Beautiful

Beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder. No one person defines beauty the same way. And, believe it or not, the definition constantly changes.

What does beauty mean to you? Define it, then describe yourself using those prerequisites.

You don’t have to believe it at first.

Caught you didn’t I?

I know that negative self-talk going on inside that head of yours. Just do the mirror work I mentioned before and you’ll start to believe it.

Define beauty for yourself and believe it.

You can feel beautiful and confident as a bigger woman. It starts by removing the stones one by one until the wall your inner child hides behind disappears. First, identify the lies and crush them with the truth. Second, be beautifully honest with yourself. And finally, define what beauty means to you.